The American Netherlander

Introduction 5

PART ONE
Prologue 11
1 AMSTERDAM DAY ONE 13
2 BOOM CHICAGO EARLY DAYS 16
3 PULP FICTION – The Rewrite 26
4 MND – Multiple Nationality Disorder 31
5 NEDERLANDS SECOND – English First 34
6 DUTCH IDENTITY – Who Are We? 40
7 A WORD FROM – Willem van Oranje 44
8 DUTCH SEX LIFE – Culture Shock Therapy 45
9 DUTCH BIKES – Instant Assimilation 49
10 DUTCH LANGUAGE – Dunglish 53
11 DUTCH MEETINGS – Are from Mars 56
12 DUTCH HOUSING – and Full-Frontal Nudity 62
13 THE GREAT ZWARTE PIET DEBATE – 6 to 8 Soot-Faced Men 73
14 DUTCH HONESTY – and Dutch Courage 83
15 DUTCH CITIZENSHIP – Stump the Dutchie 88
16 DUTCH MELTING POT – Multi-Culti Nightmare 92
17 DUTCH EDUCATION – Race to the Middle 97
18 DUTCH SERVICE – An Oxymoron 102
19 DUTCH MOVIES – How the Dutch See Themselves 109
20 DUTCH HEALTH CARE – Pain Tolerance 115
21 DUTCH CHEAP – Quality vs Quantity 124
22 DUTCH URBAN – Tiny Big City 128
23 DUTCH STANDARDS – Whose Quirks Are Worse 131
24 DUTCH CHEERLEADER – You Need a Wing Man 136
25 THE DUTCH TOUCH – An Ode to Dutch Stuff 138

PART TWO – THE QUIZ
1 INBURGERINGS EXAM – Sample question 143
2 ESSENTIAL KNOWLEDGE 145
3 EVERY QUESTION TELLS A STORY 147
4 RIGHT ANSWER vs TRUE ANSWER 149
5 DUTCH IDENTITY 153
6 DUTCH BIKES 157
7 DUTCH HOUSING 160
8 DUTCH SEX LIFE 162
9 DUTCH OFFICE CULTURE 164
10 DUTCH FASHION 167
11 DUTCH EDUCATION 169
12 DUTCH HOLIDAYS 172
13 ZWARTE PIET 175
14 DUTCH STANDARDS 178
15 DUTCH CUISINE 180
16 DUTCH GROUP BEHAVIOR 183
17 DUTCH CHEAPNESS 185
18 DUTCH LANGUAGE 188
19 DUTCH ENVIRONMENT 190
20 DUTCH POLITICS 193
21 DUTCH HEALTH CARE 195
22 DUTCH SERVICE 198
23 DUTCH BIKES part 2 200
24 DUTCH BIKE PATHS 202
25 DUTCH LANGUAGE part 2 205

25 MOST INAPPROPRIATE DUTCH SIGNS 209

The author 223